‘ll start with a disclaimer. This album isn’t aimed at my demographic. I’m not a 12-17 year old female and being pure sugary pop it’s right over my head. Lyrics like “I’m Romeo and you’re Juliet, as long as I’m breathing I’ll love you to death” are frankly embarrassing, and seem aimed squarely, perhaps cynically, at the disposable income of teenage girls. It’s not a one off either, the words are appalling all over. In short, I wouldn’t buy this and I’m guessing the band/management wouldn’t be counting on my pennies in any case.
But the thing is, there are a few good bits. As much as the slick production, the forced drum loops / samples / synths, the lyrics, the way the singer croons like he’s literally trying to fuck my ears through his trousers and my speakers… as much as that turns me off, there isn’t any doubt these lads (and female drummer) have a real way with a tune in places, it’s just buried under an avalanche of twinkly shit. Opener Chelsea is a fucking barnstormer, and would happily sit alongside Paramore and Fall Out Boy in the top 10. It’s comfortably the best track on the album. And it really is a good song, if the album was made of ten similarly hooky, robust tracks this would be getting at least 4/5. On it’s own, it warrants an extra star.
Elsewhere there are some good hooks, but there is too much stacked against them to make anything other than mediocre pop. Think Cartel but soppier, poppier and even more produced (it’s the LOOK HOW MANY BUTTONS I CAN PRESS, LOOK, LOOK A WOOSH NOISE BEFORE THE CHORUS DROPS school of over production). It’s not punk though, with the exception of the perfect pop punk of the opener, and so I almost feel bad for reviewing the album at all – it’d be like my mum reviewing A Wilhelm Scream.
If you like Cartel, or even the Backstreet Boys songs that aren’t shit ballads, there might be something here for you. If you really like chartable pop punk, do your self a favour and download the Chelsea digital single. Otherwise, avoid.
Kieran